Wall - E

American cartoons have been plagued with the problem of pumping these lame “you can do it” and “small people can do big things too!” and “you're special messages,” and it's really obnoxious. I mean, honestly, who are these for? Are the kids who see these so afflicted with low self esteem that they need a disgruntled chicken and an effeminate pig to boost their spirits? I highly doubt it. When do you see kids play and see them mimic those self esteem affirming little morals? I haven't. Ever, really. In the movie with the hero who has a wise cracking effeminate marmot as a side kick, and they try to save the princess from the villain with the slow witted henchman, kids will mimic the characters and not the values put forth in the movie. That's what I observe. So, like I said, I'm always scratching my head wondering, “who, besides the movie execs, gets their rocks off on these messages?” Kids don't, and parents will if they're as much fun as going to church (not much fun).

Some cartoons do weave their message in subtly and cleverly. Spend any time around me and you'll learn that I'm a big ol' sucker for The Iron Giant. That 'toon rocks some serious balls. It doesn't take its moral and beat you in the face with it over and over. It's subtle and realistic. Mostly, it's just a buddy movie. A boy and his bot. It's Old Yeller, except the dog is 50 feet tall and a former military weapon. It's that formula right there.

I'm bringing all this up because Pixar, for as lauded as they are, falls right into (and in many ways promotes) this cheese ball of crap way of making cartoons. Why not make cartoons that are simply an assload of fun to watch, funny as hell, and really bizarre? Why do we need to preached at through them? And why do we need to sneak our political agendas into them? Gay. Gay on ice at the retard fest.

Sorry about that. Pixar. It's true that I at one time would have said I loved them. If I honestly analyze myself, however, I discover 2 things. 1. I love their shorts (most of them. All of them except for that braindead alien abduction short they played before ratatouille). The shorts are funny, cartoony, and free from hamfisted movie exec morals. 2. I love The Incredibles, which isn't that shocking seeing as how it's the same director as The Iron Giant. The Incredibles sort of tainted my vision, however. It's a mostly complex movie that, in addition to messages (most of which are subtle), it's exciting, it's fun, and it has an impressive body count. SYNDROME GETS SUCKED INTO THE FUGGIN' JET ENGINE! You dont' see that in cartoons anymore. And that's weaksauce.

The Incredibles tainted my vision. It was complex (which is what a movie has to be if it's going to preach at you), and fun, and creative, and stylish. Complex except for the part where Mr. Incredible shouts the whole, “I can't do it!” monologue. That part was like putting the box on the table and saying, “here's your moral, folks, because right after this, they're going to learn to fight as a team!” Apart from that one little moment of retardation, it's good. The rest of their movies? Stereotypical cheesy kidpreach shlock ripped right from Disney (who graced us with this wonderful gift. Thanks, Walt). Everyone of their movies is “you can do big things too!” and “teamwork rocks, lol!” It's depressing. Makes me yearn for the days of yore, ye olde 1991 when I could flip to Nickelodeon and zone out to Rocko's Modern Life and Ren And Stimpy and never have a fear that they're going to try to convince me that God's a woman, and that I'll get to know her by letting my lisping crocodile friend make cookies with me and sharing them with the orphaned spongecakes down the street.

But Wall-E here. This looks cool. Although I doubt it's in Pixar's power to do, this looks like they might just simply tell a quirky and enjoyable sci-fi story. Probably not. They'll probably have Wall-E discover that trash robots can do clean things too! Or something equally lame that you'd learn on a felt board. But I hope not, because look at it!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/walle/large2.html

The trailer is wow. I just hope that the story and the rest of the movie is also wow, and that they haven't just put the parts in here that will appeal to boys to sell tickets.

We'll see. If nothing else, it's a bitchin' trailer.