And I Forgot To Mention

That I have a podcast now. A couple of my friends and I decided to try this podcast thing out.

Check it out here.

A Most Troubling Dream Indeed

So this one's short, and somewhat shocking.

So, if you have a sensitive palate, exercise caution.

All through high school (and even a recurring dream as a child), there was a blond girl that I dreamed about constantly. No one I actually knew, but she was more symbolic. My guess is that she's my idealized version of love, acceptance and sexuality something. Though the dreams have all been really tame.

Mostly, in these dreams, it's the two of us hanging out and doing general stuff. This dream was weird to the max, however.

The two of us were sitting there with a few other people. The other people looked a little out of it. They didn't seem to really acknowledge that we were there at any point.

The girl and I are sitting across from each other on the floor, and she takes out a really crazy sharp strand of steel, or something like it, and tells me, “I have to cut your face off.” This, understandably and expectedly, upsets me. She tries to console me with, “but it's ok, because I'll sauter it back on later.” I protested still. So then she says, and I quote, “You have to have your face cut off and reattached. You'll do it if you love me.” And I loved her.

So she takes the string, and starts to run it down my face. Actually, a straight line running up and down at my temples, and cuts off that whole section. She started at my jaw.

It didn't hurt, but I was very scared, and I watched pieces of my face fall on the floor until she got to my eyes, then I couldn't see anything.

I was very terrified, and I could hear what was going on around me, but I couldn't talk. This girl (who has never had a name) was trying to soothe me, and I heard a crackling noise and she assured me it was just the sautering iron firing up and everything would be over soon.

I felt her hands on my face, and I felt the heat of the gun, though again it didn't hurt, and I could finally see again (as she'd reattached my eyes), and I watched as she reattached my jaw and nose and lips and such. Then she showed me a mirror, warned me not to talk for a couple of hours until the sautering held fast, and said that I would have those scars forever now, that these scars were her scars.

And then I woke up.

Is there an interpreter in the house?

Since 4:30 This Morning

Woke up at 4:30. Fretting about a house (condo) I'm looking to buy. Why would I fret you ask? Because I was worried that if my roommate friend who's moving in with me ever moved out, I'd be stuck paying on a mortgage that's way to high to pay on my current income. I laid in bed for about a half hour sort of just worrying about it. Then I got up and went to my computer to do some math on the topic.

And that's when I found the good news. I had been worrying about this condo thing (because it's a sweet condo, and a bargain price) since about 7 last night, nursing a little ball of worry in my stomach. Then I found that with my friend living there, buying this condo, with the monthly HOA fee, is only slightly more than apartment living. Sweet. Even better? If for some reason I was stranded for a few months with no roomie, I would be able to make it. It'd be tight, but I'd make it.

Such a relief.

So after I did the math, and sent an email on the topic, it was then 6. I figured I had better get to bed if I didn't want to die. I went to bed, about to drift off, then 6:30 hits and I had to pee really bad (thanks bladder for being a total douche). Get back to bed and lay there for about 20 minutes, not actually going to sleep or even really closing my eyes when I realized that I probably wasn't going back to sleep, and at this point, if I did fall asleep, I'd probably wake up feeling worse than if I hadn't.

So I've been up for 3 hours now, which is weird to say since it's only 7:30, and I went to bed at 12:15ish. I mostly hope that I can make it through work.

Since I've been up, I've been trying to catch up on my blogs on my rss reader. One of the things I did was take a “how texan are you?” test. The results are stupid. It says I'm 16% texan. I would submit that I am actually 0% texan.

Questions like, “you would never eat a cowpie.” I defy you to find one person, Texan or otherwise, that would say they would eat a cowpie.

And, “you leanred to shoot a gun before you learned to drive.” Chances are, unless your parents are some sort of commie hippies, you've learned to shoot a gun in your childhood. After all, hunting and range shooting, both things a father would do with his son, aren't locationally bound.

“You use the AC 12 months a year.” Would if I had that option because I like cold, but Colorado just isn't cold enough sometimes. Remember that winter 2 years ago when it snowed once for about a half hour? That was a freakin' ridiculously hot winter. I protest it.

The last one was, “you don't find anything wrong with tacos for breakfast.” Honestly, what person could ever find a good logical backing that you “should or shouldn't” have this or that food for breakfast?

A lot of the questions were uniquely and obnoxiously Texan, however. Like, “Dr. Pepper is your favorite kind of 'coke.'” and I've heard this before that in Texas all pop is just referred to as “coke.” That's pretty asinine.

There was another test I took, that I can't find now, labeled “how right or left brained are you?” The test itself wasn't too bad. I had some generic flaws that all those style tests have. For example, “when making a decision, I rely on: a. logic b. intuition.” What makes people assume they're opposites? Can't you use both? I sure do. With this house deal, in fact. I felt bad, just inexplicably, illogically bad, which caused me to seek out a practical logical solution. Or how about love? There's an institution absolutely riddled with intuition and logic.

Then it gave me the results. It said I'm 45% left and 55% right. Almost fitty-fitty, which I had mostly guessed anyways. But then it described the two halves. It said left brain people prefer dogs, and right brain people prefer sports. Right, because when I think of an award winning poet, I think of baseball, and when I think of Einstein, I think of pit bulls.

Weak.

So, to sum it up, it looks very likely that I'll be havin' a flibbidy flop of my very own. And I'll be tired later today.

The Movies We Watch: Doggy Poo

So, before I say anything about the movie, you have to watch the trailer.


Now that you see what I'll be talking about, I can talk about it.

Doggy Poo. Korean made in 2003. Claymation.


First, it's pretty weird. Not that there's anything really weird in it (I mean, apart from anthropomorphic doodoo, something South Park fans should be well accustomed to), or that this movie's execution is particularly weird. It's pretty standard fair as far as message and execution goes. The plot boils down to "child doubts self worth, child encounters people that reassure him of self worth and God's plan, child experiences his potential, and every thing's better." But then you factor in that the child is a doggy poo, and some of the characters he encounters are a talking pile of fertilized soil, a chicken who planned on eating him ("he doesn't taste good anyways momma"), and then your standard fair of flowers and birds. That's where it's weird.

Second, it's very artistic. This is truly a beautiful movie to behold. Doggy Poo is old school style clay animation, the likes of which only Aardman studios (Wallace and Gromit) utilize in this day. The set they use is vibrant and full of natural color, textures that are gritty and realistic, and very convincing mouth synch. Each character's mouth (or rather type. I.e. dirt vs. animal vs. plant) possesses quirks specific to that character, and the lips wrap around the words.

Which are in English. The words that is. "But I thought this movie was Korean?" you might cry forth in confusion, to which I would answer, "Yes, my son. Yes. Such as I have said is such as I have thought." And then my proverbial son might cry forth in a voice of honest seeking, "But pappa! Why?" (or for our bilingual friends), "¡Porque!" I have only one possible answer to this honest agnostic style search for truth.

Have you heard of the Little Donnie Foundation? Now, before you get too clicky, let me let you know what you're getting yourself into.

In the show "The Upright Citizens Brigade," a trio of havoc-wreckers set to undermine society set out to pull a prank on a nation wide scale. The answer to their query? A 30 minute long penis joke in the guise of something serious. Ergo, Little Donnie who is afflicted with a fictional disease where his wing wong is really long, but he has no idea. As any responsible citizen would, the brigade sets up a show to raise awareness and funds for Donnie's disease.

I sort of felt like that's what Doggy Poo is. Picture that at the "Internation Counsel of Nations Against America," or ICNAA as we on the street call them, the French say, "I think the Americans are so dumb, we can sell them water in a bottle while it flows freely from their taps." The Mexicans stand up and say, "¡Ole! ¡The Americans are so dumb, we can sell them the same dish 15 times with different names, same ingredients!" But the brazen Koreans stand and say, "We think the Americans are so dumb that we can make them sit through a 30 minute doodoo joke." The other nations shirk. No man could be so dumb! But they have yet to meet the Americans. We are that dumb, and in fact, we've been enjoying (thanks to the like of South Park and Conker's Bad Fur Day) half hour doo doo jokes long before the Koreans came on the scene. So really, the jokes on them... I guess. Maybe no one wins. And yes, I do owe a nod to Jim Gaffigan for already providing me with the bulk of the joke in this paragraph.

But ultimately, that's what's best about this movie! All the jokes about crap that may or may not have been intended. One of my favorites was turning around to my roommates and exclaiming loudly, "Man! This sh*t's enthralling!"

So thank you Koreans. We have accepted your challenge, and raised your bar. Bring what you will.

In fact INCAA, why don't ya'll bring it?

Don't Hate Us

So, this is something that I've been thinking about for several months now.

I read a book, Entertaining Ourselves To Death, which discussed how the American populace was becoming so engrossed in entertainment that we are making ourselves inane and obsolete. In this book is discussed the fact that America is the ONLY country in the history of the Earth founded by intellectuals. All smart men holding degrees and respectable jobs and the like. These guys were smart and kicked ass. This tradition bled into the people that came and conquered this continent (by the by, this isn't the place to discuss the ethicality of what happened) and America became the number one exporter and importer of the written word. Whether it was ancient philosophy, religious texts, fiction, technical manuals, essays, magazines, brochures and pamphlets, we were reading it. Consuming it.

It sounds so incredible! Can you imagine? The fact that you're reading this blog probably signifies that you read books. You know we're in the minority, right? Roughly 2% of Americans read for reasons other than work and education. Of that 2%, some 80% reads trashy romance novels. Can you imagine walking around where we're the majority? We could sit down with anyone and have a gripping, informed, complex conversation? In fact, even the most voracious of modern readers would have fallen behind the curve of the sort of thought the “ancient American” was capable of. Being immersed in a literary culture like that, your ability to process complex thought naturally rises. Your abilities to retain and retrieve information would have also risen to great degrees.

This book is one of those “thorns in the side” book. A book whose thoughts don't leave you alone. Something you have to chew and mull over. Something that you wish someone else would read so that you could talk about it. In fact, I recommend you read it, and soon, but such is not the aim of this post.

The aim of this post is what happened next. America became obsessed with being entertained. As that obsession increased, our capacity for complex understanding diminished. I mean, just talk to someone, anyone, that you meat in daily life, and they wouldn't be able to tell you why I used the wrong meet earlier in this sentence. Unless you're lucky enough to stumble on that rare 1.2% of the populace (not quite that bad, but you'd struggle to find someone that wouldn't cackle lack a jackass when I explained to them that meat is what you eat, and meet is what you greet).

So what happened?

When America was started, when she was forming herself, she had a vision. A great experimental vision that, if successful, meant something ineffable never before experienced by the world. Was that vision successful? In many ways, yes. Can you imagine a world without the influence of America? Science, technology, mathematics, art, social interactions are all indelibly and forever changed. So many ideals and values that we were afraid to embrace before are now standard vocabulary in the entire world, not just the west.

In many ways, the experiment was successful. But we, the American people, stopped. We stopped dreaming and inventing and pushing and prodding and asking, seeking, and finding. We thought we achieved and it was best to not rock the boat. Let things mellow.

And this is where I arrive at my point.

I don't know how many international readers (if any) I have. I have a request of you.

When I was in Ireland (a place of utter magic. My utmost and sincerest compliments and humblest thanks to the people of Ireland), some of my traveling companions were harassed by a group of men. These men accused them of being warmongers and voting for Bush and yadda yadda. Obviously these guys have never actually taken the time to find out what an American thinks otherwise they'd know that we're far more concerned if the Broncos beat the Raiders than if Iraqi Joe has a job or a gun to his head. Same diff. If these guys had also taken the time to find out what Americans think of our president, they'd know that they'd have to search far and wide to find the 3 people in the country that actually like president Bush. And in this case, his parents count. Most Americans act just like these Irish men: out of blind hatred for Americans and the (perverted) “American ideal.” If they would have taken the opportunity to get to know something about Americans, these guys would have found that they'd have good bitching session buddies. Especially since we're in college, and bucking authority is always the hip thing to do. And oh boy do we want to be hip AND cool.

So, people from other countries: don't just blindly hate Americans. If you have to blindly do anything for us, blindly prayer for us, and blindly pity us. We're a people that have lost our vision, and should we ever again see clearly, we can offer so much to the world.

And people of America, this next part's for you.

I finished watching a movie about the IRS and if their function is ethical or not. In short, it isn't, nor has it ever been, and worse: it's not legal. And even worse is the fact that the IRS is a privately owned entity. It's not even government.

This movie touched on RFID chips and identification cards. This is scary shit. Let me give you the short of it.

RFID stands for Radio Frequency IDentification. These cards are ID cards that the government is going to start issuing in the not too distant future (implementation begins may of '08 – whatever that actually means). What makes these cards scary is that there is a chip (the actual RFID) that emits radio waves. Your card passes by a transmitter, and your card number is logged at that location. Essentially “Cuyler boards a train at 10 am. Cuyler leaves train station at 11:20 am. Cuyler enters walmart at 11:30.” These cards also contain all your banking information, social security information, medical history, employment history, fingerprints and retinal scans. So then not only does the card tell the radio transmitter at what time I enter wal mart, but what I buy, at what times I buy them, how much it costs, and when I leave. “Big deal, they can see me in wal mart.” But it wouldn't be hard to put these in random spots. Uknown checkpoints. The obliteration of privacy. They could even weave RFIDs into money, thus making untrackable money trackable.

Of course all of this is done in the interest of our best safety and protection of the public. Protection from what? Just because the government knows where I am doesn't mean a crazy terrorist can't jump through my window or gun me down.

Or worse. Just because the government knows where I am it doesn't mean I won't get hit by a drunk driver and die on impact tomorrow when I go to the coffee shop.

Or worse. Just because the government knows all my dirty little secrets doesn't mean that I won't experience a freak heart attack or liver failure.

In this documentary, it interviewed a family in Florida who got locator RFID chips installed in THEMSELVES because, as the mother so eloquently put it, “we were so afraid after the attacks on 9/11.” Bitch, please. Grow a spine, then use it as a bludgeoning device.

At what point did we raise ourselves for such cowardice? At what point did we start to raise ourselves to be so mild and acquiescent? No! This is not the spirit nor the vision of America. Rock some fuckin' boats.

The person willing to sacrifice their freedom for safety deserves neither (that might be Thomas Jefferson, but I can't find it. So if you find it, I'm not plagiarizing, just unsuccessfully citing).

So, people of America: please knock off this bipartisan bullshit. That's all it is. I don't give a damn how much you hate Bush, or how much of a coward Kerry is, or how old Dole is, or how many people Clinton screwed, or how much of a movie star Reagan was. It doesn't matter. That's not the point. The point is the vision, and the vision can't be accomplished when we have two bulls, each dumber than the other, butting heads. If an American would take the time to get to know other Americans, they'd probably find out that if you can dig deeper than the superficial political nonsense we're trained to think matters so much that we're pretty alike, and together we could accomplish quite a bit. In fact, I believe a little well known guy by the name of George Washington (you might have heard of him) said that the “party system would be the death of the government.” I'm inclined to agree. We spend so much time arguing about who's right and bitching about Bush that squat gets accomplished.

Knock it off. Let's stop being stereotypes and get some stuff accomplished. Let's not allow ourselves to be so tracked. Let's not let the IRS get away with thievery. Let's not let the rest of the world believe a bunch of shallow lies about us.

Please, Americans, let's get our vision back.