please leave a message

at the sound of the beep. i will be away from my desk from the hours of 4 am tuesday, january 1st 2008 until january 5 2008 9 am. i will be in new york visiting the family of a certain fiancee, and all times are subject to change, but feel free to leave a message and i will gladly return your call.


until then, please enjoy some humor joke movies.

conversation with elvis



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jesus video #4


should auld acquaintance be forgot, keep your eye on that grand old flag (or, "have yourself a big old pig" would also be acceptable lyrics)!

Wall - E

American cartoons have been plagued with the problem of pumping these lame “you can do it” and “small people can do big things too!” and “you're special messages,” and it's really obnoxious. I mean, honestly, who are these for? Are the kids who see these so afflicted with low self esteem that they need a disgruntled chicken and an effeminate pig to boost their spirits? I highly doubt it. When do you see kids play and see them mimic those self esteem affirming little morals? I haven't. Ever, really. In the movie with the hero who has a wise cracking effeminate marmot as a side kick, and they try to save the princess from the villain with the slow witted henchman, kids will mimic the characters and not the values put forth in the movie. That's what I observe. So, like I said, I'm always scratching my head wondering, “who, besides the movie execs, gets their rocks off on these messages?” Kids don't, and parents will if they're as much fun as going to church (not much fun).

Some cartoons do weave their message in subtly and cleverly. Spend any time around me and you'll learn that I'm a big ol' sucker for The Iron Giant. That 'toon rocks some serious balls. It doesn't take its moral and beat you in the face with it over and over. It's subtle and realistic. Mostly, it's just a buddy movie. A boy and his bot. It's Old Yeller, except the dog is 50 feet tall and a former military weapon. It's that formula right there.

I'm bringing all this up because Pixar, for as lauded as they are, falls right into (and in many ways promotes) this cheese ball of crap way of making cartoons. Why not make cartoons that are simply an assload of fun to watch, funny as hell, and really bizarre? Why do we need to preached at through them? And why do we need to sneak our political agendas into them? Gay. Gay on ice at the retard fest.

Sorry about that. Pixar. It's true that I at one time would have said I loved them. If I honestly analyze myself, however, I discover 2 things. 1. I love their shorts (most of them. All of them except for that braindead alien abduction short they played before ratatouille). The shorts are funny, cartoony, and free from hamfisted movie exec morals. 2. I love The Incredibles, which isn't that shocking seeing as how it's the same director as The Iron Giant. The Incredibles sort of tainted my vision, however. It's a mostly complex movie that, in addition to messages (most of which are subtle), it's exciting, it's fun, and it has an impressive body count. SYNDROME GETS SUCKED INTO THE FUGGIN' JET ENGINE! You dont' see that in cartoons anymore. And that's weaksauce.

The Incredibles tainted my vision. It was complex (which is what a movie has to be if it's going to preach at you), and fun, and creative, and stylish. Complex except for the part where Mr. Incredible shouts the whole, “I can't do it!” monologue. That part was like putting the box on the table and saying, “here's your moral, folks, because right after this, they're going to learn to fight as a team!” Apart from that one little moment of retardation, it's good. The rest of their movies? Stereotypical cheesy kidpreach shlock ripped right from Disney (who graced us with this wonderful gift. Thanks, Walt). Everyone of their movies is “you can do big things too!” and “teamwork rocks, lol!” It's depressing. Makes me yearn for the days of yore, ye olde 1991 when I could flip to Nickelodeon and zone out to Rocko's Modern Life and Ren And Stimpy and never have a fear that they're going to try to convince me that God's a woman, and that I'll get to know her by letting my lisping crocodile friend make cookies with me and sharing them with the orphaned spongecakes down the street.

But Wall-E here. This looks cool. Although I doubt it's in Pixar's power to do, this looks like they might just simply tell a quirky and enjoyable sci-fi story. Probably not. They'll probably have Wall-E discover that trash robots can do clean things too! Or something equally lame that you'd learn on a felt board. But I hope not, because look at it!

http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/walle/large2.html

The trailer is wow. I just hope that the story and the rest of the movie is also wow, and that they haven't just put the parts in here that will appeal to boys to sell tickets.

We'll see. If nothing else, it's a bitchin' trailer.

"Up From the Ashes" or "What It Is?"

It feels weird being gone this long and coming back to blogging. It's not that I intentionally stayed away that long. It never is. Life just kind of catches up with you and can take you on some crazy roads you never really intended to go on. Not that I complain. Not at all. They can be some of the most fantastic roads.

Nevertheless I kind of feel like when you haven't seen a really good friend in a long time and the only thing you can really talk about is work even though neither of you have much interest in work, much less your work (mine is selling paper for the record).

Therefore, before I can try to get back to the meat of my personal existence, I kind of feel as though I have to warm up a forgotten but friendly and familiar car. I'll meet you half way. We won't talk about work because, really, who wants to talk about work? Not anyone. Not really. So, I will talk about what I've been reading, as I have been doing a lot of that lately and that's one of the things that have kept me away for so long.

“Real Books”

The Planets (Dava Sobel) – So, ever since I was a kid, I've been endlessly fascinated by the stars, which is probably pretty evident throughout the course of this blog. This book is about the planets in particular, and the role they play in human society. It's incredibly fascinating. She links each planet to some concept in human existence and how this concept has effected us. For example, she links Mercury to mythology explaining how a lot of our ancestor's understanding of the planets came from their stories about the characters from which the planets are named. Jupiter is explained via astrology, citing its own zodiac symbol, and how its zodiac is shared with the man who discovered Jupiter's moon and its spot, and how the characteristics of this planet's influence in the zodiac seemed to control exactly this man's life. Names escape me, which is lame. Mars is linked with sci-fi (of course). At any rate, this book was a damn fuggin' hoot, and I didn't want to quit reading it and thought about it compulsively when I wasn't reading it.

I Am America (And so Can You!) (Stephen Colbert) – Holy crap is Steve a funny guy. This book is so bizarre and out there. Essentially, Stephen kind of creates this really impossible straw man of the “typical American's” belief. No one could actually believe this, but he draws the stereotypes of how others perceive us and draws it all the way out to fifteen. He takes different “hot button” topics and explains them from his goofy “every man” point of view. Topics such as homosexuality, religion, and sexuality and just annihilates them. This book had me laughing out loud and reading parts to everyone I could. Every chapter starts with the heading of the chapter (homosexuality for example), and says it's the biggest threat facing America currently, besides two other ridiculous concepts. Example “Homosexuality is the greatest threat facing America today, next to hippies and tight pants.” (that one's not actually in the book, but the book is way downstairs, and no way am I walking that far). A hilarious read, plus it comes with stickers.

Opus vol. 1 (Barry Windsor-Smith) – In the 70s, Marvel Comics hired a young English illustrator (Barry Windsor) and this artist became known for illustrating the Conan book. To say that his artwork is inspiring is an understatement, at the very least. The guy is a true master of his craft and is able to breath a sort of artistic life and empathy into such nerdy concepts like Conan. Anyway, that's not exactly the point of this book. Barry, in the late 90s found himself with a lot of finished but unpublished artwork, and though it sounds narcissistic, I truly get the impression that he is genuinely interested in making a good product for his fans. Anyways, he wanted to get this art to his fans, but struggled with a way to do it. Originally, he took the art and tried to write stories around them, but he complained that they felt patronizing and trite. Instead, he just released the art in a book and explained it – how he made it, symbols with in it, what prompted him to make it both commercially, personally, and creatively. Which I love. I love hearing the process that goes on behind the art (whether it be music, movie, or paper based art). Not the “how to,” not the, “I used lemon yellow and mixed with canary yellow to get this color gold,” but the, “Gold has always represented eternal life for me, which is why the hero's sword is gold,” sort of stuff. You get that. You also get some trippy LSD sounding voyages through space. Barry Windsor, in an attempt to explain himself and his art to his fans has included mind boggling accounts of cosmic experiences he promises are, at the very least, profound personal truths. Things like watching millions of universes live and die in front of him, moments of precognition, and unidentified light phenomenon. It's so... abstract that the mind almost reels at it. He promises that he's never tried drugs or mind altering substances, but these are just things that have happened to him. It sounds so unbelievable, but having no reason to doubt his earnestness, I sort of have to accept that these are in fact things he's experienced (especially since things I have experienced seem to be but shadows of his own). It's hard to reconcile with your own worldview, but it's foolish to discount them because you can't explain it. Plus, it's compelling as hell.

“Fake Books”

I've also been reading a fair deal of graphic novels. These are mostly for pure enjoyment's sake, but some of them are kind of provoking and cause you to take pause while you digest its tale. These are the ones that I've enjoyed the most in past months.

The Eternals (Neil Gaiman (writer), Joe Quesada (art)) – The Eternals is really damn cool. Essentially, life was seeded on this planet however many thousands of years ago by beings called The Cellestials. These beings are miles tall, and infinitely powerful and incomprehensible. In addition to the animals and plants, they created humans, eternals, and the deviants (I think that's their name). Humans are humans, eternals are never dying humanesque people of impressive power and intellect charged with the duty of educating and protecting humanity. The deviants are genetic roulette tables, each generation drastically different from the one before it, and no 2 ever looking alike. In our remote past, the deviants multiplied at unfathomable rates, and the eternals (of which there are only 100) took war to their front door step (mostly because the deviants were enslaving/destroying humans). The eternals, while never in danger of truly losing, are overwhelmed by their numbers and have to have the cellestials step in for them. The deviants are brought to the edge of extinction, and humanity is allowed to thrive. Fast forward to modern times, and the eternals (through a nefarious plot of one of their own) have forgotten who they are, except for a few. Those few are trying to rise the eternals up to stop an evil plan of the deviants, who seek revenge for almost being destroyed however many thousands of years ago. It was so fun to read. Just like watching good sci-fi. It's good fantasy fuel for those that want it.

The other cool thing about this particular book is that it was an idea thought up almost 40 years ago by comic legend and icon Jack Kirby. Kirby was Marvel's top do artist (and for good reason, as he rocks balls), and thought up the idea of the eternals just after reading Chariot of the Gods? He created the original tale, but said that his was only one view in what he perceived to be a complex tapestry that he created, and invited others to rework his fiction in other compelling formats. Gaiman (who would have been a boy when Kirby was active) saw that invitation for action and grabbed at it. Thus, he weaved his own enthralling tale.

Lastly, Quesada (not that this means much to people) drew the book in the signature Kirby style. Rather, he hybridized it with his own art, but everything about the book is supposed to be a massive tribute to Kirby. So much fun and it holds so much nostalgia for anyone that's bought a Marvel mag off of the newsstand or off of a comic book shop shelf.

Civil War (Marvel... again) – This one, I don't know who wrote it or who drew it. The art's really damn good, as in, in every shot of Captain America, this artist draws each individual scale in Cap's armor.

At any rate, it's not historical Civil War. Rather, in this tale, the US government (after a rogue mutant attack) decides that they need to crack down on masked vigilantes. They make them either quit, or unmask themselves and work for the government. This divides the heroes, and some play along (like Iron Man and Spider Man. Tools), and some form a resistance (led by Captain America. Badass). This was pure popcorn fun, and nothing else. Again, if anyone here has ever been a fan of Marvel, this is a book that you need to be all over like a cheap suit. Unfortunately, the Civil War spin offs are dumb as hell. Most of them have terrible art work that make them seem completely unworthy of reading, and the two I did pick up (Wolverin and the X-Men) were really lame and shallow. While the core Civil War story is pure popcorn fun, it certainly isn't shallow. It really plays off of the personalities and characters that Marvel has spent the last 50 years forging. Damn fun.

So that's pretty much it. Kind of a nice ice breaker, yeah? No? Right now, I'm reading Until We Have Faces, and The History of God. Almost done with faces, and just started God this morning. Faces is good (real good), and it's surprising because all the other fiction of Lewis's that I'd been exposed to pretty well sucked (in my mind. I know there's plenty that disagree, but whatever). And then reading the beliefs of our ancient ancestor's always feels like a disembodying sort of thing. It's interesting, and I can't wait to get into it.

I will leave on this one note of substance: it's true. I am engaged to the knitting girl (catwings.blogspot.com). I'm excited, and happy, and mildly terrified all at once. It'll be good though. Real good. I think I'll come back to that later though. I need to shower.